Those Advice shared by My Father Which Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate among men, who continue to absorb damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a respite - spending a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."